The Art of Flirting...

The other day I read an article in the Times of India about the latest research on flirting. Apparently, after lots of research, they concluded that

"Letting the other person know that you are interested in him/her is the most effective strategy in flirting. Looks, physical traits, wealth etc. don't matter that much at all in successful flirting."

No shit Sherlock! They could have asked anyone who "gets" dating & relationships, and they would've saved a lot of time. Well, at least now there's hard scientific evidence to support what we're saying! : )

The sad part is that a LOT of guys just don't get "this whole flirting thing". Most of the complaints I've heard are...

"But I just don't know how to flirt! I have no clue what to say and when."

"I think its manipulative. I don't like playing games. Why can't we just talk normally."

"Why does it need to be so complicated and confusing?!"

"How come the women never realise when I'm flirting... erm... trying to flirt..."

"What if she gets offended. I don't want to offend her! I don't want to look sleazy or cheap."

"But why do so many women laugh at me or snub me or get awkward when I try to flirt?"

Let me try to clear the fog a little...

The simplest definition of flirting that I can think of is

"Flirting is being playful, being yourself, and having fun."

Its like playing a fun game with her - exchanging good vibes. It is more like giving the other person a good time, than taking or expecting something. It's light, casual, playful and most importantly fun, for both of you! Flirting is free of any serious expectations or agendas.

In fact I think the line between flirting and having fun/expressing yourself is also kind of blurry.
Its just like playful banter, and women totally light up while flirting. Yes, I'll repeat that... in all caps... WOMEN REALLY ENJOY FLIRTING!

I'll flirt with anything female that I like - I flirt with a lot of my female friends. I indulge in playful banter (very similar to flirting) with older women as well as elderly women, and of course also with women I'm interested in. What can I say, practice makes perfect ; )

What flirting is NOT:
Professing your undying love for her.
Feeling shy and awkward when she catches you looking at her, or when you make eye contact.
Giving her superficial compliments hoping that she will give you some attention.
Offering to do her favours.
Buy her expensive gifts.
Saying sleazy things.

Flirting could be:
Being interested in her, and being comfortable with it, and her seeing that you are comfortable with it...
Showing interest in her subtly and/or not so subtly.
Smiling at her confidently when you make eye contact, and holding the eye contact.
Having fun and being yourself with her.
Teasing her, and making friendly, light banter.
Joking around with her.
Accusing her of checking you out.
Playing little fun innocent casual "role playing" games with her.

Its basically like transmitting on another frequency.

Flirting is an art in itself.

[To be continued...]

Dating Lessons from Casanova...

I just watched a fun movie - Casanova (starring Heath Ledger and Sienna Miller)

Casanova is up to his usual antics of seducing (and being seduced by) married women, nuns, young women, old women... basically lots of women!

You should watch it. You can learn a lot from Casanova's body language, style etc. Also, his mindset towards "loving women" is very interesting.

There's this guy Giovanni, who's been staring at his beautiful neighbour all his life, but has never been able to muster the courage to go up to her and talk to her. Casanova meets her, and the beautiful neighbour falls for Casanova, while poor Giovanni is left sulking.

He later meets Casanova (not knowing that he is in fact "Casanova") and asks him what he should do...

Giovanni : But the love of my life is in love with Casonova!?
Casanova : So you have to beat him in his own game.
Giovanni : How can I beat a world class seducer?
Casonova : What would Casonova do?
Giovanni : I dunno...
Casonova : For a start he wouldn't mope around. Misery is not attractive. If you want to be loved, you have to be worth loving. And second, be the flame, not the moth...

Lets look at those pearls of wisdom one by one...

1. Don't mope around. Misery is not attractive.

Have you noticed guys that are always complaining, and whining about everything in the world?
Do you also know someone who's always bright and positive?
Whom would you rather hang out with? Who is more "attractive"?

For some reason people love whining and complaining about little things all the time. They whine about traffic, about weather, about their jobs etc etc etc. But how long can one listen to someone whining? It's one of THE biggest turn offs ever, not only for women, but for everyone!

So the next time you whine, bitch or complain, remember Casonova's advice, and stop! (My rule is that the only time you're allowed to whine or bitch is if it's funny as part of a joke or story.)

Look at the bright side of things...
Don't have anything "bright" going on?
Were you hoping that cute girl would meet you for coffee and brighten your day? But she ditched you?
Then stop moping about that girl, and go and do something that you can be proud of, and feel happy about.

You might think "How can I be happy if I don't have my perfect woman with me?"...
But as long as you're miserable waiting for your perfect woman to come along and make you happy, you're going to be repelling all the perfect women away.

2. If you want to be loved, you have to be worth loving.

A lot of guys beat themselves up, and have pretty low self esteem. They don't "love" themselves. If you cannot love yourself, then how can you expect anyone else to love you?
You have to get to the point where you genuinely like yourself, and respect yourself. Only then can another woman like or respect you.
Women can pick these things up very quickly. They can sense if a guy is comfortable and secure. If you're not, its the end of attraction right there.

Now what exactly does worth loving mean?
I'll go into details of what women want and look for in men in another post, but basically its confidence, ambition, personality, humour and self respect. These are the top 5 things that women look for and want in a man. Good looks and wealth are just added bonuses that come into consideration only after these.
Every man must keep enhancing and refining these basics.

If you've taken care of the first 2 points, you are guaranteed to NOT make women want to run away from you! You will be a naturally attractive and interesting guy, and women who know you will be interested in getting to know you better.

Now on to "attracting" all the hot women... with the next point.

3. Be the flame, not the moth.

You have to be the flame, the centre of the fun and action. You have to know what you want, and lead the way. You can't always be following the crowd and just nodding along.
Women LOVE leaders. And that doesn't mean that you need to be the next Bill Clinton or Nehru. Just be decisive. Take decisions.
Eg. You decide where to go for dinner. (Don't ask her 5 times where she wants to go!?)

Chump : Where do you want to go for lunch sweety?
Girl : Anywhere nice...
Chump : No tell no... I'll take you wherever you want to go...
Girl : You tell me...
Chump : No... You tell me baby. I want to take you to your favourite place. Where do you feel like going?
Girl : Anywhere, you decide.
Chump : What do you feel like eating? Wherever you want to go!
Girl : Allright! Lets just go to so and so...

The girl is probably fed up, bored, and annoyed at the guy's indecision.

The girl would have been so much happier with...

Girl : So where are we going for lunch?
Guy : I'm taking you somewhere nice... you'll see... ; )
Girl : Hmmm... where? Tell me...
Guy : You'll see... Its a surprise...

Instead of being irritated with being forced to decide, the girl will be excited, and full of anticipation!

You have to have an interesting life, filled with hobbies you love and enjoy, and you have to take the lead and do interesting things. You've got to be a "cause" in this world, not just a side(y) effect! Take initiative, and be the centre of fun! Tell interesting stories, know interesting places in your town, make interesting plans, have interesting friends and most importantly, lead the way!

Patao Basics - Chapter 1

Hey!

Since I don't have too much time on my hands right now, I will lay down a few postulates, which will be explained in detail in my forthcoming posts:

1. One of the most important secrets to attracting women is to be attractive to yourself first.

2. Women are lovely beings, respect them. But at the same time, know who you are and what you want. This will help you gain respect from women, and reduce chances of being brushed aside because, let's face it, nobody likes being dumped. This is the cornerstone of building an attractive self. Mind you, this is going to go a long way in shaping your personal life. Confidence, masculinity, free thought and speech and openness are the keys to success with women in India.

3. Don't fret over a failed relationship / a failed proposition you made. Look at it this way, the more failed relationships you have, the more you know what NOT to do. This would help you get the girl you've always wanted. Now you even know where NOT to look.

4. Love and Romance, though fulfilling, MUST NOT be given more importance than other things in life. Think about what would make you feel better about yourself; could be hitting the gym, playing sport, yoga, meditation, movies. Learn to relax and introspect. Once you find yourself and you know how to master your own mind, then the world of women are awaiting your esteemed presence!!

4. Relationships need to be enjoyed, not worked upon - Life is short, learn to enjoy it. Be smart and don't get into a situation where you need to constantly "work things out". I'm sure that if you think through your head and not through other anatomical organs, you'll know what I mean.

5. Don't go chasing a woman just because it gives you a thrill. A major pitfall with this is, that once you get the girl, you'll want to chase another one. Remember, being a player might be fun, but needlessly breaking someone's heart could only get you into trouble. Besides, in India not too many women choose to date players. Though they are incredibly attracted to such men, they can't even think about being in a relationship that constantly threatens them into insecurity. They choose the safer option; to 'settle' for a nice guy who would do anything for them at the bat of an eyelid. Those women know what they want, and peace to them. There certainly are ways to work around this, though.

6. Don't chase a woman beyond a point. Let her chase you instead. Women are known to be VERY vulnerable when they know that someone likes them. typically, they would start paying more attention to what you say or do. Let them know in no uncertain terms that you like them. But DONOT expect them to say anything. This would also increase your chances of getting the chick, when in the first place, you never really wanted them. You were only just... "expressing" yourself. ;-)

More to come soon...Meanwhile, feel free to post your thoughts or questions. We're only here to help you. :-)

Cheers!!

The Pied Piper

Getting The Dream Woman is like Hunting a Tiger

Hey!

It's been a while, but we've been busy with many things. I thought I'd drop by and scribble a few thoughts.

A friend of ours, over dinner and drinks, confessed that he has been feeling 'lonely' for a while now, but has not been able to find the right girl. He's seen 2 girls who are all over him once they get a little loosened up, and I wouldn't blame them, the chump is smart, knows his way around and is more than a 'catch', in women's parlance. Nomseng. ;-) His real problem is that noone ever 'matches' up to the standards he's set for them. No big deal, mister!

It's a weird situation to be in, we KNOW, to reject the advances of your naive girl-next-door-who-swoons-at-your-every-move. But imagine pandering to her advances, just because you can't get yourself to make the first move, and 3 years later, you're still stuck with her, if not to her. ;-)

Here's why.

P. A friend of ours. He met this girl when he was about 18 who couldn't take his eyes off of him. P was obviously, overwhelmed as she seemed to give him the best ego-massage he's ever got. Since P had no quality standards to look for in a woman, so to speak, he hooked up with her and had a blast!

Six months down, the honeymoon lake was drying up and he started feeling like a ship stranded in a sandbar. A lot of things he wanted to see in his girl were just not there, among other peeves which showed up in her. She turned out to be the typical guy's nightmare- girlfriend, poking into everything he did, hankering, bickering, rationed sex sessions, etc. But by then, she was too emotionally attached to him and he was also being dragged into the "I'm the best you can get" crevasse. Though he'd whine about her all the time, he just wouldn't do anything about it.

Fast forward to three years later: He's still with her, and has completely 'surrendered'. He doesn't come out to drinks/poker/party/football nights anymore, and when his girlfriend is NOT on the phone monitoring his whereabouts, he's busy watching porn. So... you see how detrimental a bad relationship investment can be to your love life?

Make your decisions wisely, and patiently. It doesn't take long for to make your move on the dream woman who swooshes by you at a coffee shop, but it takes more guts to wait patiently for her to do that. That said, a fair idea of what kind of girl you want to be with needs to come from within, from a place where only you can look into. You know the place, you just have to start looking.

Its pretty simple, if you know what you're looking for, you'll find it. If you don't, you'll try and make everything you find look like your treasure chest and fail miserably.

Cheers!

Pied Piper

Back With a Bang!

Hey there!

Both Pied Piper and I have been busy with other stuff for the past couple of months...

But our pals have been upto their usual misadventures in their quest for finding that right woman... So its been interesting... From giving advice and quick tips, to deep gyaan and philosophical theory, to downright bitchslapping them and yelling at them to get a life, to celebrating their successes and sharing new insights gained in the process...
: )

A reader commented on an earlier post saying he wished he'd read it earlier... I'm glad people I don't know are also finding my "tips" useful...
It's time to spread the word, and start making the world a better place... ; )

I've structured my thoughts somewhat in the last few months... I'm going to be writing on...
Patao Theory
Patao Techniques
Patao Stories
Patao Thoughts
Patao Zen...
and lotsa other random stuff... : )

The Language of Love... Poetry?

Let me tell you about one of my buddies - Mr. A.

This guy's decently good looking, but sort of a geek. He's smart and pretty well read. He talks well and is pretty confident in general.
Basically, he's got tons of potential!

The topic of women came up came up today. He's 23, but has never had a girl friend till date.

Me : So have you had a crush on any girl?
A : Quite a few!
Me : Did you ask anyone out?
A : Um... I told one of them. The only one I REALLY liked.
Me : So... What happened then?
A : She ran away!
Me : LOL! How'd you tell her? *eager anticipation*
A : I wrote her a poem. I dint know what I was doing... It was 1 at night!
Me : So you read her a poem at 1 o clock at night!?
A : No... *sheepish* I put it on my blog, and she read it there. We talked about it, and she told me it was a little artificial, very amateurish and lacked "art"... blah blah...
Me : So then?
A : Then what? Nothing happened... Cut gaya mera!

Then he told me how he'd read Pride and Prejudice a month later, and in there the main guy Darcy tells the main girl Elizabeth about his friend who tries to impress a girl by writing her a poem, but it backfires royally.
Elizabeth is like "No shit! He scared her away!"
Darcy goes "But isn't it said that poetry is the language of love? Don't women just love poetry and all that jazz?"
Elizabeth replies "Poetry is the language of mature, developed love!"

Mr. A was like "I wish I'd read that earlier! Dang it!"

And I was smiling to myself thinking, "At least he learnt from his mistake!"
But the poor guy hasn't asked any girl out since.

Lessons?
1. Do not write poetry at 1 am!
2. Writing sappy poetry doesn't seem to make a girl fall in love with you.

Lotsa smart guys, have tons of potential, but just don't "get" how to get women. They tend to think that doing something like writing her a super romantic poem or serenading her or taking her out for an expensive dinner will show her what a nice guy you are, and she will fall hopelessly in love with you.

I'm not saying that you can't do nice things for women. You can and you should... but later on!
Listen to Lizzy, and keep these for later... for when its a "mature & developed love"

Do NOT come on too heavy in the beginning! Its scary for a girl. Think about what her natural response will be...
"Shit! He's really into me... He's going to call me 5 times a day (like the last 5 guys), and ask me what I'm up to, or say sappy stuff like 'I just wanted to hear you're voice'. Then he'll ask me out, and I'll have to say no and break his heart, after which he'll go all senti on me!...
RUNNNN before its too late!!!"

Take it nice and slow... Don't show too much romantic interest up front. Have fun, kid around, flirt with her...
Keep her guessing for a bit... Let her wonder whether you like her or not... and give her a chance to miss you and think about you!

She will enjoy that much more than wondering how to get rid of you cos you're coming on too strong/direct.

If only Mr. A had read the book earlier, he might not have messed up his chances with that girl.

Way too many guys are messing up their chances cos no one's taught them how to attract women...
And so many women are missing out on great guys, cos noone's taught the guys how NOT to repel women.

Thats what we're here for ladies and gentlemen... Welcome to the The PataoProject!

Why did she break up with you?

Here are a few questions to ponder over:

When was the last time you were with a woman? Don’t remember?
When was the last time you were DUMPED by your date or girlfriend?
Hang on, did she really dump you or did you dump yourself out of your chances?

If I were you, I wouldn’t waste too much time on sulking over a sour or bad relationship. It’s all a waste of time and energy and involves too much self-pity. If you observe carefully, self-pity is the primary cause for your diminished self-image. The more you sulk and mourn your loss and how life is unfair to you, the more you will hurt your self-image.

Life for you would be much easier if you treated your sour relationship as a bad investment, although this might sound very harsh.

There’s only one way to strengthen your confidence. Respect yourself and your choices. Without that, you’ll be prone to hurting yourself time and again. The idea is to NOT let go of your conscious self, even while falling ‘head over heels’ in love with someone. This will help you build a mature, positive and emotionally stable relationship. Research today is showing that love is, after all, a bunch of chemical reactions in your head. So, really guys, focus on how to improve your chemistry, and not work on ‘mending the heart’. :-D

Who knows, you're old flame who had stabbed you in the heart earlier, might fall head over heals for your new and improved self. And then maybe, you wouldn't want her any more. But in either case, you have the power of choice. :-)

Work on it.