The Art of Flirting...

The other day I read an article in the Times of India about the latest research on flirting. Apparently, after lots of research, they concluded that

"Letting the other person know that you are interested in him/her is the most effective strategy in flirting. Looks, physical traits, wealth etc. don't matter that much at all in successful flirting."

No shit Sherlock! They could have asked anyone who "gets" dating & relationships, and they would've saved a lot of time. Well, at least now there's hard scientific evidence to support what we're saying! : )

The sad part is that a LOT of guys just don't get "this whole flirting thing". Most of the complaints I've heard are...

"But I just don't know how to flirt! I have no clue what to say and when."

"I think its manipulative. I don't like playing games. Why can't we just talk normally."

"Why does it need to be so complicated and confusing?!"

"How come the women never realise when I'm flirting... erm... trying to flirt..."

"What if she gets offended. I don't want to offend her! I don't want to look sleazy or cheap."

"But why do so many women laugh at me or snub me or get awkward when I try to flirt?"

Let me try to clear the fog a little...

The simplest definition of flirting that I can think of is

"Flirting is being playful, being yourself, and having fun."

Its like playing a fun game with her - exchanging good vibes. It is more like giving the other person a good time, than taking or expecting something. It's light, casual, playful and most importantly fun, for both of you! Flirting is free of any serious expectations or agendas.

In fact I think the line between flirting and having fun/expressing yourself is also kind of blurry.
Its just like playful banter, and women totally light up while flirting. Yes, I'll repeat that... in all caps... WOMEN REALLY ENJOY FLIRTING!

I'll flirt with anything female that I like - I flirt with a lot of my female friends. I indulge in playful banter (very similar to flirting) with older women as well as elderly women, and of course also with women I'm interested in. What can I say, practice makes perfect ; )

What flirting is NOT:
Professing your undying love for her.
Feeling shy and awkward when she catches you looking at her, or when you make eye contact.
Giving her superficial compliments hoping that she will give you some attention.
Offering to do her favours.
Buy her expensive gifts.
Saying sleazy things.

Flirting could be:
Being interested in her, and being comfortable with it, and her seeing that you are comfortable with it...
Showing interest in her subtly and/or not so subtly.
Smiling at her confidently when you make eye contact, and holding the eye contact.
Having fun and being yourself with her.
Teasing her, and making friendly, light banter.
Joking around with her.
Accusing her of checking you out.
Playing little fun innocent casual "role playing" games with her.

Its basically like transmitting on another frequency.

Flirting is an art in itself.

[To be continued...]

Dating Lessons from Casanova...

I just watched a fun movie - Casanova (starring Heath Ledger and Sienna Miller)

Casanova is up to his usual antics of seducing (and being seduced by) married women, nuns, young women, old women... basically lots of women!

You should watch it. You can learn a lot from Casanova's body language, style etc. Also, his mindset towards "loving women" is very interesting.

There's this guy Giovanni, who's been staring at his beautiful neighbour all his life, but has never been able to muster the courage to go up to her and talk to her. Casanova meets her, and the beautiful neighbour falls for Casanova, while poor Giovanni is left sulking.

He later meets Casanova (not knowing that he is in fact "Casanova") and asks him what he should do...

Giovanni : But the love of my life is in love with Casonova!?
Casanova : So you have to beat him in his own game.
Giovanni : How can I beat a world class seducer?
Casonova : What would Casonova do?
Giovanni : I dunno...
Casonova : For a start he wouldn't mope around. Misery is not attractive. If you want to be loved, you have to be worth loving. And second, be the flame, not the moth...

Lets look at those pearls of wisdom one by one...

1. Don't mope around. Misery is not attractive.

Have you noticed guys that are always complaining, and whining about everything in the world?
Do you also know someone who's always bright and positive?
Whom would you rather hang out with? Who is more "attractive"?

For some reason people love whining and complaining about little things all the time. They whine about traffic, about weather, about their jobs etc etc etc. But how long can one listen to someone whining? It's one of THE biggest turn offs ever, not only for women, but for everyone!

So the next time you whine, bitch or complain, remember Casonova's advice, and stop! (My rule is that the only time you're allowed to whine or bitch is if it's funny as part of a joke or story.)

Look at the bright side of things...
Don't have anything "bright" going on?
Were you hoping that cute girl would meet you for coffee and brighten your day? But she ditched you?
Then stop moping about that girl, and go and do something that you can be proud of, and feel happy about.

You might think "How can I be happy if I don't have my perfect woman with me?"...
But as long as you're miserable waiting for your perfect woman to come along and make you happy, you're going to be repelling all the perfect women away.

2. If you want to be loved, you have to be worth loving.

A lot of guys beat themselves up, and have pretty low self esteem. They don't "love" themselves. If you cannot love yourself, then how can you expect anyone else to love you?
You have to get to the point where you genuinely like yourself, and respect yourself. Only then can another woman like or respect you.
Women can pick these things up very quickly. They can sense if a guy is comfortable and secure. If you're not, its the end of attraction right there.

Now what exactly does worth loving mean?
I'll go into details of what women want and look for in men in another post, but basically its confidence, ambition, personality, humour and self respect. These are the top 5 things that women look for and want in a man. Good looks and wealth are just added bonuses that come into consideration only after these.
Every man must keep enhancing and refining these basics.

If you've taken care of the first 2 points, you are guaranteed to NOT make women want to run away from you! You will be a naturally attractive and interesting guy, and women who know you will be interested in getting to know you better.

Now on to "attracting" all the hot women... with the next point.

3. Be the flame, not the moth.

You have to be the flame, the centre of the fun and action. You have to know what you want, and lead the way. You can't always be following the crowd and just nodding along.
Women LOVE leaders. And that doesn't mean that you need to be the next Bill Clinton or Nehru. Just be decisive. Take decisions.
Eg. You decide where to go for dinner. (Don't ask her 5 times where she wants to go!?)

Chump : Where do you want to go for lunch sweety?
Girl : Anywhere nice...
Chump : No tell no... I'll take you wherever you want to go...
Girl : You tell me...
Chump : No... You tell me baby. I want to take you to your favourite place. Where do you feel like going?
Girl : Anywhere, you decide.
Chump : What do you feel like eating? Wherever you want to go!
Girl : Allright! Lets just go to so and so...

The girl is probably fed up, bored, and annoyed at the guy's indecision.

The girl would have been so much happier with...

Girl : So where are we going for lunch?
Guy : I'm taking you somewhere nice... you'll see... ; )
Girl : Hmmm... where? Tell me...
Guy : You'll see... Its a surprise...

Instead of being irritated with being forced to decide, the girl will be excited, and full of anticipation!

You have to have an interesting life, filled with hobbies you love and enjoy, and you have to take the lead and do interesting things. You've got to be a "cause" in this world, not just a side(y) effect! Take initiative, and be the centre of fun! Tell interesting stories, know interesting places in your town, make interesting plans, have interesting friends and most importantly, lead the way!